Dear Friends,
We traveled to California this week to visit my older son, Blake, and his family.
Last fall, Blake talked me into trying a procedure he’d heard might help my lupus. An integrative dentist would clean out cavitations left in my jaw from having my wisdom teeth removed when I was 17. His theory was that for decades, those areas could have been contributing to inflammation in my body.
It sounded ridiculous to me. I didn’t want someone opening up my jaw based on a theory. I was also resistant because I’d tried so-called cures over the years that did nothing but take my money, and sometimes made me feel worse.
In my mind, it was time for me to stop looking for a cure, and focus on coping.
But I love my son dearly, and he wouldn’t give up. So last October, I finally agreed to have the procedure.
The doctor told me it could take a few months before I saw a change. By March, I still hadn’t noticed a difference.
Then, suddenly, in May, I realized I’d gone a couple of weeks without a sick day. I was afraid to say anything. I didn’t want to jinx it (I know, real spiritual). But I’ve been feeling better ever since.
It might be because of that procedure. I don’t know. But I do know I’m feeling better than I have in decades.
So, me being me, I pushed it. Blake got his stubbornness from somewhere.
While we were in California, I went on long walks by the beach with Blake. I spent time in the sunshine, which usually makes my lupus flare. I kept doing more and more.
I wanted to show off. “Look at me, everyone! I’m better!”
Then I hit the wall. That night I could barely sit up through dinner and went to bed at 7 p.m.
I spent most of the next day in bed.
I still haven’t learned my limitations. Apparently I have to keep finding them the hard way.
And I don’t have some great new insight about how to do that. Just the same old ones that I need to go back and read.
So instead of finding a new way to say the same thing, I want to hear from you.
What have you learned lately that the rest of us might need to hear? Or what haven’t you figured out at all?
That’s really what I want these Dear Friends letters to be—a place where we can say some of the ugly stuff out loud. You don’t have to have an answer before you talk about it.
Maybe you’ve been wrestling with something you think you’re the only person in the world dumb enough to struggle with. Trust me, you’re not.
When I was angry at God and thought, “Why bother to pray?” I was so ashamed of myself. I thought I was the only one. When I got open about it, so many people said, “Thank you! I’ve felt that way, too.”
So tell us.
I’ll be reading the comments, and I hope you’ll read each other’s too.
Love,
Patty
Hi Patty! I’m so pleased you found something that worked even if it was momentary. I bet it was a nice reprieve.
This whole year as I’ve turned (ahem) 40, I’ve found myself “unlocking new boundaries.”
Bedtimes, travel times, visit lengths, budget limits, what all I can squeeze into a day. It just doesn’t work like that anymore for me. Like moving up a level in a video game, I notice myself saying to Ben “guess what? I unlocked a new boundary! I cannot host someone for dinner and then meet a friend after and go to bed super late and then work the next day. Not happening again.” I have limitations and honoring them allows me to be happier and more giving at the things I am able to do.
And yes, there are needs to push past my comfort zone, etc. but not frequently and definitely not at the expense of snapping at my kids/husband.
A few months after my “all clear” from pancreatic cancer; I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. After 8 months of a new infusion drug for Alzheimer’s I was declared “essentially clear.” Yet my short term memory is still very short. I’m learning to write everything down, assuming I will forget. And I give everyone permission to tell me when I’m repeating myself.
… Have I already written this? 😉