How To Keep Dreaming

Even stage 4 cancer can empower

Kenny and Patty arrive at church in Kampot, Cambodia.

Kenny and Patty Schuster lived in Cambodia from 2017 to 2020, during which time Kenny served as the chief operating officer for a HOPE worldwide hospital. Kenny lives a life of sacrifice and devotion to God, especially now that he is battling stage four cancer. This week, he shares the third and last part of his series on Psalm 23.

By Kenny Schuster

I want to bring to a close my journey through Psalm 23 with some thoughts about the end of the Psalm.  Previously, I have written about redefining green pastures and living through the valley of the shadow of death.  Ps 23:1-4 describes the journey, while the final two verses speak of the banquet that has been prepared.

As I try to live a life surrendered to the Shepherd, I have learned that I will spend most of my life between green pastures and still waters sprinkled with times in the valley of the shadow of death.  It’s called life.  

David concludes his journey by describing a never-ending banquet the Shepherd had set for him in front of all who would harm him. He doesn’t complain or explain his difficulties. Instead, he acknowledges what the Shepherd has done for him.

As I’m on a challenging cancer journey, the easy default position would be to conclude there is no goodness in my life. In the final verse in Ps 23, David summarizes his feelings with the remarkable statement, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.”  The Hebrew word for “follow” is “redaph” which can also mean “pursue.”  Ps 23 appears to be the only place in the Old Testament where “redaph” is not used in an adverse circumstance.  David turns his experience, his life of challenge, into this declaration: you tried to harm me, but the Shepherd has pursued me with goodness and mercy.  Nothing can hurt me, even when I forget you are with me.  

Why me? What did I do wrong?

The quickest way to discard what is stated in verse 6 is to accept the notion that no good can come from stage 4 metastatic cancer.  The cynical view asks the question: “Why me or what did I do wrong?”      

Though understandable, this way of questioning has tested the depth of my surrender to the Shepherd.   Heck, if God had real mercy, my cancer would be healed.  Goodness would be life without chemo!

I have learned that my self-designed green pastures contained comfort, security, and abundance. On the other hand, David rejected this way of thinking for a life surrendered to the Good Shepherd.  Though the journey is not one he would have chosen for himself, he accepted where his shepherd would take him. 

 Green pastures build around a richness of relationships

Just recently, Patty and I reflected on how many blessings we would have missed had I not been diagnosed with cancer.  Though my self-designed and created green pastures disappeared with my diagnosis, they were replaced by the ones God believes I needed. For me, God built pastures almost wholly centered around the richness of relationships and a change in priorities.  

God’s pursuit of goodness and mercy can challenge my view of the shepherd. In the past, the temptation was to be very transactional: “God, I have faithfully served you; where is the blessing.”  Often, it’s easy to miss the goodness and mercy and blame God for our difficulties.  Again, this reflects an unwillingness to surrender to where the shepherd leads.  What is being stated, by attitude and actions, is I know better than the shepherd.  

David concludes with a statement of peace and security: “I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  Present tense, today, now.  The house of the Lord is the destination and reward for a life of surrender to the shepherd.  The question is begged: Which house am I dwelling in? One built by my hands and effort or the Shepherd’s.  This question continues to challenge me.

Goodness and mercy are following Patty and me

Now, more than two years into my cancer journey, the goodness and mercy of my trip are readily apparent and constantly encourage me.    Patty and I celebrated our 40^th anniversary in August by renewing our vows.  It was a fantastic weekend with family and friends.  We ended the evening by dancing to a Radney Foster song, “Fools That Dream.” The chorus goes as follows: “The only ones who make love last forever are fools that dream. Ah, come on, baby, we’ll risk our hearts together, like fools that dream.” Surely goodness and mercy are following Patty and me.

We had stopped dreaming 

We had stopped dreaming for a long time after my diagnosis because we felt the shadow of death around us, but God has encouraged us and taught us to keep dreaming. Together, we are risking our hearts through living a life of surrender.   We do not know where the journey will take us or how long it will last, but we know with certainty that goodness and mercy are following us.  

Only the shepherd knows if I will be here for our 50^th  anniversary. It’s okay not to know. Today, the goodness pursuing me is seen and felt through the dear community surrounding me and the closeness of my relationship with Patty and our kids. I am feeling God’s mercy and peace, secure in the house of the Lord. 

My cancer remains stable

A brief cancer update:  I had my quarterly CT scan at MD Anderson; my cancer remains stable (great news).  I remain on chemotherapy but will go from treatment every 2 weeks to every 4 weeks, reassessing again in January.  I want to thank all of you for your prayers and encouragement.