Finding My Inner Shock Collar

Developing a Kind Personality

Me at 12, the reason I had to work on my personality

My husband is big and loud, but surprisingly he's the kinder one of the two of us.

As I worked on this post and tried to craft a creative way to say Todd is the nice one, I asked chat.openai.com for ideas. It wrote, "In our household, kindness shines brightly, with Todd at the forefront as the epitome of compassion and warmth."

When I finally stopped laughing, I thought I wouldn't take it that far, but Todd has often reined me in and helped me be kinder.

I was looking forward to the confrontation

Years ago, we were returning after a vacation in Florida with other families. It was late Saturday night, and Todd had to preach in the morning, so I wanted to race home. However, everyone else preferred one last sit-down dinner together at 8 p.m. Todd, the nice one, said we would join them. I detest McDonald's, but at that point, I would have gladly ordered my dinner at the drive-thru.

We convened at a Cracker Barrel, and I stomped to our table. No one took our orders for at least half an hour. Finally, a server approached the table, and 18 members of our party ordered chicken and dumplings. Then after an hour, the server returned and announced they were out of chicken and dumplings and to choose another entrée. I seethed as everyone else enjoyed the time together. After more than two hours, our food finally arrived.

Wanting to release my anger on someone, I said, "This is ridiculous! I'm finding the manager. Our meals should be free." I was looking forward to the confrontation.

Todd paused, then said, "I've seen the manager, and he's at least our age. I wouldn't want to be working here late on a Saturday. Do you want to make his night worse?"

Yes, I did. However, Todd was right. There were problems in the kitchen, and I didn't need to increase the manager's suffering. Making demands of him was within my rights, and I might have gotten a free meal, but it wouldn't have been compassionate.

Strength under control

Today our culture admires strength and standing up for our rights, but true power means controlling ourselves. The Bible uses the word meekness, which means strength under control in that context. It's not about being sweet and pleasant or becoming a doormat but approaching interactions with gentleness. It's respectfully standing up for what is right without resorting to demeaning or hurtful words.

Jesus had the perfect balance of strength and gentleness. I've read the story of his death hundreds of times, but his power and control still sober and humble me. In intense emotional and physical suffering on the cross, Jesus responded with forgiveness and compassion. I’m amazed at his strength of character, especially considering the injustice of the crucifixion. I've gotten grumpy just because it was hot outside.

While working on this post about kindness, another Christian upset me. I fantasized about statements I'd love to make, like, "Stop getting your panties in a wad." But my conscience told me, “Anger does not produce the righteousness that desires. "(James 1:19-20 NIV)

I'm 60 now and may have more insight and less fear of confrontation, but my compassion must also grow. I can't give my mouth free rein and become a brash old woman who inflicts cruel words on others. No matter my age, I can still work on my personality and learn to be kinder.

We have two little yappy dogs, and usually, I love them, but they had been barking incessantly for days. We had tried training, citronella collars, noise collars, and anything else the internet suggested. Finally, out of desperation, Todd and I went to a pet store to check out the shock collars. (Yeah, I know, I don't want to hear about it in the comments.) As we looked at the display of shock collars inside a locked cabinet, a young employee approached us and condescendingly asked what the collar was for.

Instead of unlocking the cabinet, the employee gave us the contact information for a dog trainer and shamed us out of buying a shock collar. So, I ordered one off Amazon as soon as I got home. However, after it was delivered, Todd, the nice one, hid it. That was years ago, and I still haven't found it.

Sitting on my couch today, writing and listening to the dog chorus, I remembered a shock collar is here; perhaps I'd find it this time! But alas, I have been writing about kindness. Maybe I should practice it.